So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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