Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
