It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
