that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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