So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
