Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
