you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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