Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
