everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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