butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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