Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
