I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
pop tarts are not kleenex
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
