happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
