I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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