OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
