he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
