As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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