No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
