I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
