i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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