he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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