You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
