Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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