Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This baby is an asshole
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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