Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
