He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
