'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
