we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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