I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
