i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
