Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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