I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This house was built for laser tag.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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