If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
