That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
