I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
