Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
