Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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