if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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