dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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