.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
