oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
