I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
