Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
