dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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