Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
