the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
