So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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