I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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