Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
