If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
