I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
